Gaythri Madhavann
For the sake of quiet inside my head.
Friday 4 October 2024
Little Kindnesses of Women
Sunday 12 May 2024
When Breath Becomes Air - Book Review
Monday 6 May 2024
The Covenant of Water - Book Review
Saturday 4 March 2023
The end of a lifetime, in the middle of one.
Thank you so much for understanding Achu. You are right when you say you're asking a lot from me when you want us to settle down in your village. And even though I would selflessly defend you and try to convince you otherwise, there is always going to be a small little yearning inside my head. Because all my life I've only lived in a city. I have always been at walk-able distance from everything: super markets, shopping malls, railway stations. And I love being in a city. I love taking the bus, I love fighting with auto walas, I love shopping and I love going to fancy restaurants. There are some big 5star hotels here and also some small eat outs. There is always something to do, someone to meet, someplace to be at or something new to try. You know how we keep complaining that we have no free time to even sleep peacefully? Secretly, everyone who lives like this must find it very pumping, it adds some sort of an action element to their lives, some purpose. That's why they never leave. They never leave the city for too long. It is like an addiction. That is also why I'm growingly unsure about how I'll deal without all this noise and crowd and happening-ness.
Well, I'm guessing its going to be really quiet over there. Even during the day. May be with some pretty birds and sweet grass and fresh air. I will find it very nice and relaxing for the first few days, may be even a month. After that? I'm definitely going to start craving some city-ness, even just the sheer feeling of it. What will I do with my free time then? I mean I've never taken a mofussil bus to go into the city for anything. I've sort of lived in the city. And I probably have never done most of the stuff you do with habitual ease. Like waking up super early and taking a bath in the river, sleeping before 10pm or even swimming for instance, it is your second nature, but people pay and take classes here, in my city. Sometimes I tell myself, I'm only a hyper youngster who wants all of this now and may be 4-5 years down the lane, I will want to settle down and do less of this and more of setting up a family for myself. By then most of my friends will be married, so I guess I'll get into the groove of it too. I won't have anyone to be wild with. We'll all have families of our own and crazy wives and husbands getting on to our nerves. So I may be okay with it. Okay with getting my own base camp.
Even otherwise, that's how a girl's life is supposed to be, no? She is supposed to leave behind everything she grew up building for herself since she was a girl and go be someone else's wife and pretend like that is what she wants. Sure, every girl wants a car, house, curtains, plants, dogs, kids and a husband. But I don't think any girl would like to leave her parents or siblings if she had a choice. Especially if she came from a family like mine where we do almost everything together. So much that sometimes we dog-pile and tickle the youngest and burst into laughter. I can't imagine a day without them. I mean I can't even write these lines without going through the agony of imagining it. I really don't have a clue as to what I'll do when I do actually get married. I'll probably sit down and cry like a baby holding onto the diwan in my hall. You may have to drag me out. But then all that is for a future day. Right now, thanks. Thanks for understanding that I have a life too, a family and a lifetime of memories too.
Thanks for not being regular and telling me that I have to leave home some day anyway and that it is my destiny. Usually that's what happens, people NEVER realize how a girl's life is practically over once she is married. It never occurs to them at all. It is a girl's obligation by default to leave her family and all that she grew up with, just to be some man's wife and many-a-times mean nothing to him and have no respect in his house. Sure, we all say that we'll continue to do the things that interest us and our men say that they'll find time to spend with us even after we're married and that nothing will change. But then how many times have you seen your mom read her favorite book in the middle of the night with a bowl of maggi? Or your dad climbing into the house through the balcony because he was drunk and scared of knocking the door? You haven't. Because she has to wake up at 5 to get you a decent breakfast and lunch. And he cannot risk falling with an important meeting scheduled this week which could bring him an increment. That's what happens. We grow up and embrace more and more responsibilities and we make space for them like how we remove the older, less used apps on our smart phones - we cut down on our hobbies and interests.
Sigh.
I know it sounds really sad and tiring. But it can't be that bad, can it? I mean so many people got out of it alive and happy. They must have found something right, something worth sticking to. I could get there too, to my happily ever after, if I search hard enough, be open about everything else that I will gain, like the first words of my child, the undivided love of a family - my family, and then if I never lose hope that I'm going to find it..find the
balance that makes every loss worth while, I just might.
--- The End ---
Jan 2014
Saturday 25 April 2020
Lights and Planes
Sunday 16 June 2019
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck - Book Review
An insightful and interesting self-help book written by a potty-mouth author- I should've been warned about how much cussing I was to anticipate just reading the title. I listened to the audiobook version so there was no skimming of swear words for me. This may seem an overreaction considering how common it is now to throw in a few F words here and there in content, but I'm a bit old fashioned and enjoy a decent read which won't make me scrunch up my nose ever so often.
The book talks about various aspects of our personalities, how we base our choices, how we arrive at how we feel, and it allows you to sort of run little reality checks on yourself. I appreciate how honest the author is about his revelations, successes, failures and problem areas, good and bad alike. It talks about entitlement, loneliness and I like that the book explores the influence of a smartphone-and-internet-dependent lifestyle on a generation that is materially rich and emotionally drained out, making the book that much relatable. I felt enriched and enjoyed his inferences, stories and analogies; he effortlessly breaks things down to the easiest level possible. Although I do wonder if it is accurate to assume all of us are basically similar people with similar abilities who can follow similar tactics to address similar/all sorts of problems. Does one size really fit all?
My favorite quote from the book: "Whether you're listening to Aristotle or the psychologist at Harvard or Jesus Christ or the goddamn Beatles, they all say that happiness comes from the same thing- caring about something greater than yourself. Believing that you are a contributing component in some much larger entity, that your life is but a mere side process in some great unintelligible production. This feeling is what people go to church for, it's what they fight in wars for, it's what they raise families and save pensions and build bridges and invent cellphones for. This fleeting sense of being part of something greater and more unknowable than themselves. And entitlement strips this away from us. The gravity of entitlement sucks all attention inward toward ourselves causing us to feel as though we are the centre of all the problems in the universe, that we are the one suffering all of the injustices, that we are the one who deserves greatness over all others. As alluring as it is, entitlement isolates us. Our curiosity and excitement for the world turns in upon itself and reflects our own biases and projections onto every person we meet and every event we experience...it is spiritual poison."
Man's Search For Meaning by Viktor Frankl - Book Review
The preface to this book has a wonderful first line- "Typically, if a book had one passage, one idea with the power to change a person's life, that alone justifies reading and re-reading it and finding room for it on one's shelves. This book has several such passages."
I vouch for it. I've come to believe that books like life experiences, come into our lives at certain points when we are ready to receive what the book has to offer us, or when we are about to enter a phase in our lives for which the book/experience futuristically prepares us. There is so much one learns from a good book, to quote Vivienne Westwood, "It is the most concentrated experience you can have. You know, all those incredible geniuses concentrated their lifetimes' experiences in books." How much I have learnt from this book can be guessed quite easily from the number of highlighter flags on the side (So excited about my discovery of them, they're so easy to use and bring me so much joy!). Viktor Frankl was a decorated psychotherapist so I went into this book expecting to understand the meaning of life in a scientific or a theological way. This book however is about human endurance, it teaches you of the innate ability of the human mind and body to stretch itself in order to accommodate any amount of suffering as long as you will it to. It teaches you that suffering gives life meaning and about the unique connection between your mental and physical health. If you allow yourself to be humanized by his retelling of the Holocaust- how the prisoners of the camps soldiered on through everything that was meant to puncture their bodies, break their wills and crush their souls- this book is also a bearer of courage and hope. I would be doing a lousy job if I didn't record just how brilliant his writing is. I suspect this is the kind of book one re-visits from time to time to remind oneself of what we are capable. Must must read and re-read!