Dear Dipa

Hello Ms Karmakar! Congratulations on performing extraordinarily at the Rio Olympics. You've made us so so proud. India as a country is indebted to you forever, for you put us on the map in the gymnastics section. You have been persuasive and very brave in following your dreams. In its pursuit, you have also generously let us tag along and take credit for being your fellow citizens, so thank you.

I learnt from one of your videos that you want people in India to stop looking at gymnastics like its circus. To be very honest with you, my knowledge of gymnastics prior Rio 2016 was very limited too. I had only seen a few gymnastic presentations in school and in some reality TV shows for entertainment. I am sorry I was blind and ignorant for so long. But seeing Simon Biles' mid air layouts (link) and watching you do the 'Produnova' (link) over and over again on YouTube, I have a new found respect for this sport. I have seen this video of yours at least fifty times and every single time when you lift off the vault and somersault in the air, it makes the hair on my skin stand. I don't know a thing about gymnastic routines but I can say yours requires a ton of strength, concentration and lots of (probably years of) dedicated practice. One obviously does not just wake up and Master the vault of death.

You are very popular now in India, your 'golden girl' posts are spamming everyone's Facebook, Twitter and Instagram homepages. People are applauding your Herculean efforts in reaching the Olympics being on par with the world's greatest talents and for your outstanding performance in the Finals. You are literally the hero this country was looking for in Rio. Cold shivers run down my spine thinking about the amount of pressure you must have felt when you performed. I used to think gymnasts were only very flexible and fast. Now I also know they are strong. Physically, to carry out these strenuous routines flipping yourself in air and landing like a boss on your feet like it was no big deal and pretending as though you weren't Superman there for a minute. Mentally, to be able to withstand all the duress and to push your body further and further each day. To add to it, I heard how the Sports Ministry did pretty much nothing for you (athletes), let alone try and make things easier. You went there with all these burdens weighing you down and still nailed the Produnova. I'm sorry I keep talking about it, I cannot seem to get over the fact that the fifth woman in the world to land the vault of death was an Indian. I am so thrilled for you.

It was very disheartening to know that you had to perform this very risky and life endangering vault to make sure you secured a high score. The facilities and infrastructure you had when you trained did not allow you to train to your full capacity thus taking away your chances at doing something stunning like what the other girls did with ease. It is a shame you had to resort to performing the most dangerous vault in the gymnast's book in order to be able to win a medal. I am truly sorry for that. If I were loaded with money I'd give you and all the deserving sportsmen and women of our country, all the support and sponsorship you deserve. If with only commitment and determination you could jump across, no strike that, vault and flip graciously across all the hurdles that world-class-sports seem to throw at you I can only imagine what mountains you will move with the right assistance and support, you are a true warrior.

I had a lengthy list of fictional superheroes that I am absolutely crazy about, now I also have a list of real life ones with your name on it. Year after year great people like you are dragging this country forward despite every challenge lined up in your way. You are our torch bearers, thanks for never giving up.

Love and respect,
Gaythri Madhavann.

When he breaks your heart, thank him.

It is very very rare (in fact, so rare that it happens only in Gautam Menon movies) that you find “the right guy” at first shot, chase after him, marry him and live happily ever after. There is always one guy in between (read girl if appropriate) who screws it up for us. He will first sweep you off your feet and then leave you hanging while he remembers how in fact, you are not his type. *eye-roll* That bastard! Worse if he said it over the phone or text. What a load of emotions crap your brain for the first few months making you miserable and pathetic! My own wretched, post break-up days were no different. I had consistently puffy eyes, my kajal was always smeared over my face, the innumerous coffees I used to have, to clear my head, all tasted like slush, my friends were always trying to tell me how I deserved better, my ex stopped picking up my calls and he probably even blocked me on Whatsapp. Well shit happens.

But it’s alright, because it was all quite uphill after that. Once I was tired of mourning over my buried relationship, I went into the phase where you dissect every damn thing and try to figure what went wrong. I ran and re-ran our every conversation through my head at least a gazillion times and it only became more obvious every time I did that because I finally pinned down why we didn’t work out. He had certain expectations as to how his girlfriend should be and day after day I toiled hard to fit into that image. But every now and then I slipped, and did something that he didn’t approve of. Somehow deep down, he never really forgave me for those lapses. (Even though I abundantly apologized to him every time and took care to never repeat it.) To him, if I could do it once, I could do it again. And incompatibility is something I couldn’t change even in an eternity together.

Once I received that enlightenment, I wore my forbidden clothes and went into the tandoori-chicken-for-the-soul phase where I did whatever I could to make myself feel better and get out of that black hole I put myself in. I went dancing; I ate every damn thing put on a plate in front of me and I drank till the lights went out. I called all my guy best friends (I previously wasn’t allowed to you see, because my ex strongly believed that only skanks talk to other boys!); I sang carnatic music loudly at night and stopped worrying about my weight. I literally did whatever the hell pleased me and didn’t care who it upset. During this sacred ritual of self-pampering I learned some things that actually changed my life. I even discovered so many silly things. I didn’t know until then that I wanted to be with someone who watched Hollywood movies and sitcoms like I did so that he’ll pick up all the references I made. I wanted someone who spoke English fluently because I express myself best in l’anglais and my ex who wasn’t that fluent, never got me most of the time. I found out I liked wearing shorts better than full pants. I found out I wanted someone who could make me laugh and that my maaaarvelous sense of humor (Oh, I am pretty hilarious alright) is sometimes just not enough to keep it going for two people. I learned that I could never be happy being a girly girl and that my tomboyishness is not a phase I’d grow out of. Most important of all I learned that only love isn’t enough to hold a relationship together because even though love is the most important thing in the world, it is kind of inadequate on its own. We think that patient persistent love will solve all the world’s problems, and that it will change how our boyfriends treat us or make them choose us over the India-Srilanka ODI. Eh, No. Regrettably love is only ‘one’ of the 3 things that make a relationship work (the other 2? trust and compatibility yo). Love definitely makes the whole thing better but none of these 3 can compensate for the other. The failure to understand this is what leads to successful-in-love-but-suck-at-marriage divorces. We have got to stop thinking that the recipe to a good tasty relationsoup is 2 cups of love + 1 cup of trust + 1 cup of compatibility some more love (because love is obviously way cheaper). ‘Cause it aint.

There can be a little give and take in the relationship but don’t agree to compromise on the basics, because no matter how small and insignificant we think they are, there are some things about ourselves that we just cannot (in fact we shouldn’t) change.

As of me, I promise that in all the youthful years I am about to spend with my sparkly new compatible boyfriend, I shall take time every now and then in between dancing (to second hand jawaani) and watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S (for the 45732nd time) to thank my ex for letting me go. Amma kasam.

15 Mar 2015