I have a job that comes with a fancy advantage. It is nothing like a desk job, I'll give you that. Every time I sign a contract, I go on an entirely different ship and I get to work with a whole new bunch of people. I rarely ever have the same colleague twice. This is usually a fantastic thing because you get to start afresh, make new friends, learn exciting stuff and irrespective of how bad your last ship was, you get to leave your past behind and choose to make it better this time around. This also means having to go through some monotonous rituals over and over again. I have to say hello, smile and introduce myself to my fellow crew who come and go every six months, I have to learn all the intercom telephone numbers again, I have to work extra hard to prove myself to my every new boss, I have to figure out (again!!!) which direction to put the printed side (of the paper) when making copies on the new photocopier, I have to wait till the men get used to having me onboard, I have to establish boundaries and make sure they're seen and understood.
If you are thinking this is yet another feminist post or one about sexual harassment at the workplace, like the plenty you've been reading on Facebook everyday, it isn't. This one is gender neutral. Although, I do plan on writing one on those topics, just to give the world a perspective of the issue in the maritime sector.
I'm 5'2" tall and weigh over my BMI. This seems to have a few consequences: I'm more prone to heart failure, joint pains and other health issues than the average person who fits the BMI. But most importantly I'm more prone to getting free advice and fitness suggestions from random people than the average person would. The minute people see some extra body fat on someone, they feel this uncontrollable urge to blurt out fat jokes or start lectures on how their weight could kill them someday. We get it.
Extra fat = Quicker death = Very bad.
Psst! Let me tell you a secret. All that brand new information you just gave us on your 30 second fitness peptalk? We already knew all of that. In fact, we have that speech rote by heart.
So far I've had to tell 2 of my bosses (both grown ass men) that it is not okay for them to keep judging my capabilities based on my weight or throw around loose comments like "it will help you lose that tummy fat" or "you'll slim down faster" whenever I complained about being burdened with extra work. One of them even went ahead and told one of our trainees that he won't accompany the rest of team into the ballast tank because he may exhaust himself faster (due to his weight) and end up needing a crane to lift him out. I was shocked. When I protested about these remarks and jokes, I was told they're said in good humour and must be taken lightly. But these "jokes" aren't even remotely funny. This cadet I'm talking about, is one of the strongest, most able hands onboard.
There is all kinds of humour out there, why don't we pick the kind which doesn't require shaming someone in order for someone else to have a laugh? Let us stop being that generation which feels the need to judge people based on their weight or rank or city and mocks them for it. Let us collectively be better and maybe expand our thinking to the bounds of the other person's feelings and just for one second, ponder if our random "jokes" or comments are going to affect them.
If you know me, you'll know that I am a person who holds zero grudges. I forget faster than a goldfish. But then, I had a Captain who always had horrible things to say to me. He bodyshamed me atleast once in 2 days. When you surround yourself with such negative energy every day for 6 months, it tends to get to you. My self esteem took a beating and I had a tough time recovering from it. I'm all better now but that was an experience I didn't have to go through. If you're in a place of power, take care to not be an asshole to the people who work under you. Be nice and throw happiness around. Spread compassion by practice and be inclusive. We have enough hate in this stupid world already, we don't need more people adding to it.
That said, let me give you a pointer - unless someone begins a conversation with you where they indicate that they are welcome to your suggestions about their weight loss, please refrain from giving them out freely. Those are liberties we usually save only for our families and close friends.
Let us try and make this world a better place than we found it.
PS. That goldfish thing? That's a myth. Goldfishes don't have a 3 second memory.
- Gaythri Madhavann
02 March 2017
